War is war. get over it.

my teacher asked me to make sure i said this is blog post 2(as in, the second turn in of it) so…

blog post 2, shelly

now, on to it. war. this whole war in iraq, afghanistan, possibly iran if we get a certain old man as president…it sucks ass. i am a pretty big war hawk, and certainly something of an imperialist, but i disagree with these wars as much as most of the world. not because i care that people are dying, or the world hates us more. but because it is strategically and economically unsound.

bush, cheney and all their cronies likely knew about the hatred between the 3 major groups in iraq, and ignored it. they probably knew that, like the vietnamese and koreans (bush certainly would have if he hadnt pussed out of vietnam and actually served his “duty”), they would fight a geurilla war. im sure they even knew that there were no WMDs and, overall, iraq was no threat and afghanistan was very little threat. they either passed that over, or they didnt care because they wanted the wars. fine, whatever, go to war.

our “great” nation has actually had at least 1 war every generation, with the exception of one that i can think of (in between the french-american conflict/war of 1812, and before the mexican-american war. unless you count the continued battles with the american indians, but that counts more as small skirmishes, or whole-scale massacre). every other generation, from the first americans, up to us, has had at least one fairly large war, though a few ended quite quickly like the spanish-american war.

it isnt going away anytime soon. war IS the natural order of things. im sorry hippies, but people are going to kill eachother. no matter how large or small, short or long, or how powerful or weak the opponent, people will die. granted, not many americans have died (in fact, in the big picture, america actually has an incredibly low death count in war. in ww1 and ww2 combined we lost less people than a single month of the germans in ww2. hell, in vietnam we lost fewer people than died in the 30 years war, 330 years before vietnam), but thousands upon thousands of iraqi soldiers, civilians, and people just getting unlucky being there not even because of the war have died.

but so what? it sucks for their families, sure. it sucks for the kids without mothers or fathers, its terrible for the parents who lost someone. but that IS WAR.  if the american people are so bloody against it, why dont they do something about it? i think it has been pretty well demonstrated marching in the streets with little posterboards doesnt do a damn thing. it didnt work for vietnam, either. protesting didnt keep the americans from fighting the brits, or from joining ww1 or ww2. that isnt going to work. it simply doesnt.

if you dont like the war, stop being such a twat and DO SOMETHING. im perfectly content to let soldiers who decide to join the military go over there and die. its their choice. if a draft is put in, then ill fight. aside from that, fuck it.

get over it. war has been around for 7000 years, on a large scale. before that, there were skirmishes, and before that, simple fights. it isnt going away. we arent any more “civilized” or “better” than the mesopotamians, or the aryans, or the vikings. we are the same bloody, savage creatures. weve just gotten better at killing.

goddamn hippies.

On “Writers”

I am a writer. You know why? I like to write, and I do it.

i am, obviously, in college. as such, i am taught (and have been for several years due to my love of the fine arts of language, both on and off “paper”) that we, as writers, must be critical of everything we write. we must tear every word to its base to know the perfect thing to say in its place. I only partially agree here. writers need to be ABLE to do this, but not all writers need to do this.

some reading this, and likely my own teacher, are possibly thinking “that is only a cop-out to be lazy”, but it is not. there are near-infinite ways of writing. more ways to write than there are even to speak. without spoken word, the reader must take simple little symbols which have no inherent meaning, only contextual, ascribed meaning, and understand what the original creator of this grouping of silly little symbols means to get across.

every time i read a book, i read an essay, i read a short story, i take something different from nearly anyone i know. for instance, in class the other day, we read a “reflective” (i hate this term, as nearly all writing is reflective. it is next to impossible to not have a bias in writing) peice about some children and their mother in a snow-storm, and the impromptu plans the children made to get back into the house which their mother forcefully removed them from for a time. i read different meanings in everything, it seemed, from nearly anyone else in that class. that is my norm; i rarely read the same meaning that those around me do. eccentricities, background they have not experience, being a writer myself, being cynical and pessimistic, whilst also optimistic. I see things differently.

writers, as i said, need to be ABLE to disect their writing. but people automatically presume what is written is written for an audience. most of what i write, i write for myself, or few people who like to read what i write. i do not write it for THEM, i write it for ME. as such, aside from syntactical and grammatical revision, the majority of what i write is spot on the first time. because it was written BY me, FOR me.

if you are writing a short story, or an essay for scientific review, or a class project, you need to take your rough draft as a starting idea. work from there, build from there. the final draft usually turns out miles ahead of the original, with each step gettin progressively better, working towards that ultimate badassery of the finale. but if you are writing for you, or dont CARE what the audience thinks, simply writing to write, this is unnecissary, and often devestating.

my tone of writing differs drastically depending on what i write. you may notice on this blog alone i go from quite silly in my first post, to incredibly silly in the post for my father, to a somber, realistic, informative tone in this and my post on the bullshit we call capitalism. but even in this post, you get a note of how i think, and speak. when one writes for themself, and goes back to revise and “fix”, they often lose what they initially meant. the moment in which they wrote it is gone, and while memory may serve, that exact moment, and exact understanding cannot ever be captured again. it removes the “self” of the initial writing, and imposes a new, supposedly more complete and profound “self”.

in 4th grade, i had to write a book. a very short, silly book. mine was about my trip to mexico, and i took it into a fantastical, silly setting with crocodiles, jaguars and all sorts of other things happening which did not happen in reality. ofcourse, if i were attacked by a crocodile, i probably would not be typing this right now. that silly bit aside, i do not believe, even 11 years later, it needs “revision”. when i was 9 or 10, however old when i wrote it, i had different views, skills, likes, dislikes, loves, fears. i was a different person. i share many traits, but who i am as a complete person has changed. what was written then reflects who i was. if i went back and rewrote it, it would reflect who i am today, emulating who i was. emulation is “the best form of flattery”, they say, but it is still nothing in comparrison to the real thing. no matter how hard Antony and Octavian tried, they were never Gaius Julius.

So to anyone who reads this, next time you are told to write like a “writer”, scoff in whoever told you to do so’s face, and better yet, tell them you are already a writer. I am, and I know i am, no matter what anyone says. learn to play their game, but by all means; DO NOT PLAY THEIR GAME SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS “RIGHT”. right, in any form of art, is subjective.

fuck anyone who disagrees.

Weird Religious Girl

so there is this girl in my class, right? shes really weird. she has dyed black and green (emerald. lulz) hair, she has tattoos of pac man and mario and shit, she gets high, she has her face peirced beyong recognition, as are her ears. shes all shiny with jewelry! shes intelligent, well educated, well versed on many things, and enjoys history and philosophy.

BUT WAIT! shes also hardcore christian.

wtf?!

this epitomy of goth looking type is hardcore christian. when she was younger, she was a pagan like her parents. then she was like me, until recently, a militant agnostic. but now, she liek quotes scripture, and like…knows all this stuff about her religious history, stuff that most in her religion didnt know EXISTED (mention the council of nicaea to some christians. see how many know wtf it means).

its weird dude. i dont know what to think of this girl. like, first day i walk in, shes over-achieving with a lap top,shes looking up terms in google from class, shes giving great input (while talking much too fast for me to understand what the bloody hell she is saying). its crazy. i dont hate this christian, i LIKE this christian. i hate almost ALL christians, but this girl is smart, shes all non-christian looking and acting. she is exactly what every christian should be (cept the goth part); she inquires, she wonders, she researches, she reads, she learns. its amazing.

if christian america could just do what this girl is doing, i think it would greatly change the way we see things.

seriously, i hate God. but if it is THIS girl’s god, i might be interested in learning more. i dont agree with god creating all of mankind. but then, i dont even know if SHE does. she believes in evolution, she believes in logic. And i want all christians out there to do the same. to look at their religion logically and rationally, like this girl has. shes still keeping her faith, while i can actually keep the peace with this girl.

please, christians, catholics, all of you. be like Emerald. learn your history, learn your religion, and learn to use logic.

Happy Birthday dad!

Happy Birthday Dad

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a little bald man. this little bald man really liked numbers, because he was silly and bald.

this man once happened upon a magical lamp. he picked up the lamp, and rubbed it, and a gorgeous genie came out and said
“well, hello there, mr. bean counter. how are you today? i presume you understand the rules. 3 wishes, 3 wishes only, dead stay dead, those alive stay alive. what are your wishes?”

the man thought, quietly comtemplating. “Well, i suppose i should get my kids out of the way, as i love them and all. i wish that my kids will be forever happy, and successful in all their endeavors!”

POOF! it was done

then the man, happy to know he could use his remaining two wishes for whatever he please, knowing his children would forever be well, thought deeply.

“hmmm. i could really go for some tacos” said the man. he knew, however, this was too simple a wish. “Ah! miss genie, i wish that i could have infinite mexican food for the rest of my life, and whatever life may exist beyond. i wish that these tacos, burritoes, chimichangas and all else be so perfectly delicious, that my frail accountant stomach might be able to handle them, and will indeed increase my skinny, pasty white frame. maybe even grow some hair back!”

POOF! it was done

now that the man was as handsome as his most handsome son, and content at all his mexican food, he knew he had one wish left. he needed only one for pure happiness.

“genie, i know what i want. you see, my ex wives have my kids, the mafia has my money, the horse track has all my time. now i want only one thing!”

the genie, perplexed at this soon-to-be gloriously haired man, asked “what is it you wish?”

the man had a perfect gleam in his eye. he said, in a somber voice, with no contempt for his life “i want only happiness in myself. to be pleased with who i am, and who i was, and who i will be. i simply want to enjoy the rest of my days.”

with a small tear falling down her face from the beauty of this request, the genie said “ofcourse.” and nodded her head.

POOF! it was done.

looking up, the man saw no more genie. instead, stood the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen in his life.

the tan-skinned beauty looked at her new lover and said “hi curtis. my name is guadalupe. and no, you have no need of that 2×4 you are strapping to your ass”

the end.

i love you dad. happy birthday!

The World of Weed. Asi I see it.

Kinds of Stoners

Before I start, let me tell you my views. Cannabis, not marijuana, is the topic at hand.  I do not believe it should actually be classified as such in any more way than caffiene, tobacco, alcohol or ginseng. I also rarely use the term “marijuana”, as it is a term made up by the propegators of this foolish stereotype. They tie marijuana use to stoners like the Christians tie homosexuality to HIV and immorality. These simply are not true. I am working, going to school, do my homework, read, write, speak to friends. I am a philosopher, a musician, an artist, an author, a historian, a teacher-in-training. I am a caring person, a loving person, and a working person, albeit not the nicest person.

Cannabis has been clinically proven to help sufferers of many illnesses, and while not clinically PROVEN, it has been tested and shown to reduce many others, including the very cancer people have stated it causes. There has never been a definitive study to show it causes cancer, emphyszema, brain damage, kills brain cells, nor caused car accidents or harmed anybody. Not once, in the history of its use on Earth has it been linked to death, aside from other intoxicants, its prohibition, or outlying forces.

It has helped create some of the greatest music, art, literature we know today. Even discounting the “drug” aspect of it, hemp have been used in virtually everything from the dawn of man, to the 20th century. Clothes, fuel, paint, food, heating, plastics, construction, writing, teaching. Nearly everything.

There are, amongst cannabis users, several different “kinds”, or catagories, of stoner. The movie Half Baked alluded to this, and most believe in them, and cite those kinds, even today. There are 6 basic types, and a few sub-catagories. I have learned these through living with, dealing with, and being in love with stoners most of my life. We will start with the sub-catagories. (Note. I say “use” a lot, and it sounds like a bad thing. A heroine user, or meth user. I am not categorizing it with those, I simply mean “use” is the meaning they consume it in different ways. To say “smoke” would denote there are no other ways to get high. There are.)

The “Rarely” User
This type uses cannabis maybe once a year. Sometimes more, sometimes less. They are not stoners, just use once in a long enough while to be your ordinary average businessman or woman. This is, in reality, a much larger group than anyone cares to admit. It is deemed a social ill, sadly.

The “Casual” User
This is where most users live. On occasion, once every one to three months, they will partake of a bowl or two, or maybe even buy their own small quantity. These also make up most of the FSs, the PSs, and the MSs. I will explain these further below

The “True” User
This is what Hollywood and the government think of us. The press, the parents, the police. They think we are these silly, slacker, lazy, often unintelligent users of a “drug” which makes us stupid. Notice I say “drug”. This is a small group of users, in reality, and those in this group nearly always become a rarely or a casual later in life. “True” users are usually 15-25, and after this point settle into one of the other categories for a number of reasons.

The Friend Stoner (FS)
These are the people that only use cannabis with friends or company. The get high, play videogames, watch movies, what have you. They often pitch in, sometimes even buy, but arent the people you go to. Much like the MS, they come to you. They are social peoples, who simply want to enhance the fun they have, using cannabis. They do it at parties, or at concerts. A friend usually get them in to it, and it is usually around that friend, or friends they met through it’s use, that they continue to use. They will often drink, or smoke ciggarettes only during these times as well. A “social butterfly”, as my friend elloquently put it.  They often have no peice of their own, or only a single, small peice suffecient for their purposes.
They usually fall into the casual or true sub-categories.

The Mooch Stoner(MS)
The mooch. All people who get high know a mooch. At least one or two. These are the true rapscallions of smokedom, particularly if they are true users. These guys and gals do it just to get high, just to push aside all the other stuff in life, and they don’t always care how. They are much like the FS, but usually without money for their own, or very little. They will do favors to get weed, or pitch in 5 dollars for a much larger quantity amongst friends, and then use more than their cost. Most stoners are very giving people, and that is why the MSs can survive. They excell at scraping bowls, getting the best high out of a small amount, and even searching around in tossed baggies or roaches. While they are often nice, and even sometimes very giving in other areas, with this commodity, they are never generous. They will often latch on to one of the other types of stoners, usually a true or casual PS, CS or RSS. Sometimes they will even latch on to one another, sharing their winnings and using it as a prize for their teamwork. I myself have seen this several times. They often have no peice of their own, but are the Macguyvers of the pot underworld. They are able to make a piece out of nearly anything, including, not unlike Macguyver, some paperclips.
They very rarely fall in to any category but true, but sometimes they fall into casual. Never have I met a rarely MS.

The Philosophy Stoner(PS)
Much like the CS and RSS, they use cannabis to relax their minds and create something. Unlike the other two, these people create a world view, thoughts on people and ultimate reality. Cannabis induces mental clarity for these people, and they are often seen using very high-grade cannabis, but only over small lengths of time. They want a great high as quickly as possible, and the amount of weed they have to last as long as possible. The longer they have, the greater insight into the world they are able to find. The PS is an interesting breed when it comes to pipes, bongs and the like. Much like the CS and MS, they can make anything into a piece, but usually prefer their single, beloved piece or two. They almost always have either only a few, small peices, or an elaborate setup they have created, or an elaborate piece they have chosen to go with their reason for use.
This group falls primarily into casual, but some are true and some are rarely. While they cover the entire board of usage sub-category, the overwhelming lump will be found using once or twice a month for extended periods. They become “true” stoners for a period of several days, or even weeks. Then they will revert to their previous state, as the answer they were seeking has been found.

The Creative Stoner(CS)
Much like the PS, they use cannabis, usually high-sativa blends, to write, paint, draw, make music or whathaveyou. This group very often interlaps with others, particularly RSS and PS. They use the psychoactive chemicals not simply for fun, but for creation and idea. Many of the great artists either were this, or greatly suspected of it. The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Bob Dylan all come to mind. Rarely do they have more than several pieces, perhaps some of which are handmade. They often choose these pieces aesthetically, rather than for functionality. Like the MS and PS, they excell at creating pieces, coming naturally from their ability to create. Give a group of CSs, as they often come together in groups, a stack of books, tin foil, a sharp knife, and a glass bottle and they will have something rigged up in a matter of minutes.
This group, like its sister-stoner group the PSs, are usually casual. It is nearly impossible to find a rarely amongst these, unless they have taken a break from their creative activities as well. Their use and creativity are tied together, and when the creative juices start flowing, so do the lighters.

The Relaxation/Sleep Stoner(RSS)
Often more of a sub-category than a true type, these users smoke, drink or eat their way into relaxation, freedom from stress, or even sleep. Usually using a high-indica blend with less psychoactivity to aid in this, they are often known for their relaxed moods under the influence. While some use socially, much like the CS and PS, they are usually an at-home or downtime user. The sound, calm mind that indica brings them helps ease their worldly worries, and lift the nasty insomnias that often come with them
These users are rarely, or casual. Most, unless using medically, are not stoners in the type that mainstream think. They rarely go out and about while high, and rarely do more than watch tv, read, speak mildly with friends, or sleep.

The Relapse Stoner(RES)
The RES is the strangest of all breeds, because it can form into any category. It is a transitional phase, much like the times before a category was chosen by a user, when first using cannabis. The RES will usually start slow, on low- to mid-grade plants, and will use it as a relaxant, creative tool, or social tool. Relapse stoners are once-stoners who have quit, for whatever reason, and during the time without have changed their lives. They are re-evaluating their world from the time they were a true stoner. They have had kids, or are in college, or found God, or whatever it may be since they ended use. This time period can be as little as a few months, or many years. I have seen it in both cases. Often times they will fall back into the same category as they were prior, but from time to time their lives have changed so much, or their outlooks, that they begin using for an entirely seperate reason. The kinds they use, and even how, differs greatly from person to person, and even timeframe. Some still have pieces from their old days, some will buy new ones, and some won’t buy any at all, prefering to do their own thing now.
These users are anything. It is impossible to know during this phase, a phase which is only transitional. Many will become entirely different from their former using personas.

Now, I should point out, these categories are not black and white. Many stoners will find they fall into several categories. Some may not even see themselves as any of these, but they will come in time. These are the basic categories of all stoners on the planet, I believe. Some things may be added or subtracted to each, it is true. In the end, however, all people will fall primarily into one, perhaps two, of these categories.

Fuck You, corporate america

as of sunday, i no longer have a job. why? not because im inept, or i didnt show up, or i was stupid, or i quit, or i was lazy, or mean, or cussed too much, or went to work less-than-sober. nope, not this time. this time?

corporate fucking america.

you see, i worked at Blockbuster, and overall i enjoyed the job, despite having so few hours, and 1 of my bosses i really didnt like.  when i was initially hired, i was supposed to be hired for 25 hours a week, regular employee. without TELLING me, they dropped that down to seasonal, and 10 hours a week usually, sometimes none. i had to scrounge for hours. i worked my ass off, going in every time i was able, cept one. i even went in when i had school just moments before (being gone from my house from 10am til 1am sat morning sucked. but i did it for the job). im 1 class away from full-time student, and TRY to be at around 25 hours of work a week, which greatly depletes my free-time. but i do it because i have to. why?

corporate fucking america. again.

you see, i lost my job due to 3 factors.

the first. nobody gives a fuck about the “motherland” anymore. i am a socialist/mercantilist. everyone just wants their own money for their own big houses, yachts, home theatre systems, and tennis courts they us to play their neighbors who also have big fucking mansions, yachts, home theatre systems, and their own tennis courts.

secondly. living expenses have skyrocketed over the past 20 years, with wages becomming more and more split. the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. the minimum wage in this country hasnt even DOUBLED in the past 20 years, when cost of living has more than tripled in some areas. my area has not, but i remember as a wee kiddo i could buy a gallon of milk and a bag of cereal for 5 bucks. now its 10, or more.

and lastly. people dont care about intelligence in the workplace like they used to. employers used to take the well-minded, the idea-makers, and put them in positions of power. i came up with at LEAST 3 ideas that would have increased sales in my store, i guarantee. im a gamer, i know how my fellow gamers think. nobody else at my store does. i could have increased game sales and overall profit at least by enough of a margin to keep me on. but the bosses didnt give a shit, they didnt think it would work.

for those that arent in america, or are in jobs that these things dont matter to them much, let me explain. america was built on mercantilism. that is, you make money for yourself, but you only need so much money as to live comfortably, the rest of the money was made not for capitalist reasons, but for your homeland. we were a colony, mind you, but the same existed to a large degree in the mother nations that created the americas. notably spain, england, france, scotland, germany, ireland, and the dutch (i try to never name the “dutch” countries as their names, government, borders, and even peoples have changed quite a lot over the past 500 years). money that was made was put into goods to help the government, which in turn went back into the people. granted, not enough of it did, but the base system was government pays people, people buy goods, companies pay government. sounds like what we had today, right?

only one slight difference in that scheme drastically changes it from mercantalism to capitalism. something i am vehemently against (if you havent guess, im a democratic socialist). that is, the government has become so corrupt and greedy, that has seeped into the minds of the “great unwashed”. it was always in the elite, but now even the semi-poor to poor classes are all out to get the biggest slice of pie they can. well, not all, i guess. there are some like me. but most. this fuels corporate america into upping the prices of things, while not upping the wages or healthcare and things like this. every penny they can pinch, they do.

blockbuster is a perfect example. rather than giving even SOME of the old DVDs that dont sell, we field destroy them. meaning, basically, send them through these little machines that burn them in a way they cannot be read. this gives the corporation a very minor tax break. they could give these to old folks homes, to the military, to hospitals, to libraries. bur why do that, when they can make a couple bucks back off each batch of DVDs that we destroy?

every large company does this to some degree. im sure most of you have worked somewhere that you can see them skimping. rather than giving you a free meal a day while working for them for 10 hours, you get 70% off (noodles and company). rather than getting a discount on food you buy at your store, that YOU STOCKED, you get the CHANCE at a scholarship or stock options(kroger). rather than getting healthcare for working full time, they work you for 34 and a half hours a week, and then wont let you come in(wal mart. who then tells you to use welfare to help pay the expenses). these are only the places i know from first-hand experience. imagine all the places i HAVENT worked that all of you have. scrimping every penny they can, despite that it fucks a lot of us over.

im through at this point. america, in my mind, is beyond redemption without some sort of revolution. cultural, behavioral, economical, political. i dont know which, but without at least 1, it will slip further and further into its own death throes, and we in the rest of the world will know it only as another Rome. I am a history major, i can see the exact things besieging our once great nation as did england, france, rome, the greek states, persia, parthia, several of the mesopotamian country, the macedonian greeks, china, japan, india, egypt, mongolia (the horde, really), spain, germany, russia. all of these nations rose through battle and wit and triumph, and fell by greed, complacency, corruption and frailty. they grew too large, or too fast, or without watching what they were doing.

i was born just before bush sr took office, tho i barely remember much of his “reign”. i grew up in the clinton era largely, and maybe it is just nostalgia, but i saw things getting better. the corruption in the govt was trivial, the poor were better off, the schools were more lively. the economy was “down” some say, but what is the point of it being up if the people who make the country what it is are barely skimping by.

the collective masses of the poor arent all there because we didnt go to college, or made poor choices, or are stupid. i know there are thousands, maybe millions of people like myself, my brother, my mother out there who work hard, do what is right by our peers usually, are very intelligent, and still get shafted. because the fat cats dont give a fuck about us. they care about what little money we have. and how they can get the rest of it.

That Goddamned Goth Kid

so. I am supposed to make a blog for my english class. my prof has given me pretty much all the creative leeway i want. thusly, im going to write about that Goddamne Gothkid.

Now, i know his name, but i wont say where i know him, or his name. leave it to be, i fucking hate this kid. I dont even know WHY i hate the bloody kid. I just look at him and want to hit him with a lead pipe. use his intestines as some sort of awesome, bloody rope, to tie him up and feed him to bears. bears, by the way, are awesome. ill prolly write some about bears sometime.

the goth. everyone knows a goth. they are all “morbid” and “deep” and “dark” and all that blah blah. i sort of was one, and some still consider me to be i guess. i wear mostly black, i have long hair. i guess i look more like a stoner/burnout/metalhead. but this kid is just pure goth. at least, in appearance. he is very intelligent, and if he didnt look and speak the way he does, i might not dispise him so.

but he does. he uses ridiculously large words to sound intelligent. i suppose i do the same to a degree, but i can speak as a normal goddamned person does. when this kid speaks, he makes a simple 20 word sentence into a goddamned paragraph that nobody can follow. and by nobody, i mean my professor as well. this damn kid speaks in so many riddles and intellectual bullshit that even my professor can only pick out keywords to know. its like…imagine speaking to a dictionary, right? now take out every word, aside from the necessities like “and” “the” and “like”, and then speaking about ultimate reality, or ethics, or religion, or literature. this fuckin kid just blathers on in language even I dont get, and i am pretty intelligent and have quite a decent vocabulary. though i rarely choose to use it, aside from my writing stories or essays or things where such really matters.

now, let me get into myself, and my beliefs on fuckin Gothkid, right? im very hateful and intolerant to a degree (i guess i tolerate people, but i sit there hating them. Louis C. K. alludes to just sitting there, in line at the bank, fucking hating people. just physically HATING them. i do that a lot). if someone is a jock, or goth, or gino or whathaveyou, i may look at em and giggle, or think they are less intelligent, or whatever. but i usually give them a chance to disprove me.

i am not a bully, i dont just hit kids or make fun of them or any of that trivial childhood bullshit. in middle and highschool i often stood up for the little guy. the goth, the nerd, the “dirty” (thats what we stoner/rocker/burnout types were called in school) and ultimately, i believe in helping people. not hurting them. unless they are weak and unintelligent and goddamned gothkid. not goth kids, mind you. just this fucking one.

he wears a trenchcoat and 3 layers of clothes and huge boots, when he has to walk around on a 95 degree day. all black, ofcourse. as i said, anything he postulates (i like that word) has to use at least 5 words that the average person would have to look up in a dictionary, or just fucking guess. he jumps from topic, mid-fucking-topic, and goes off on something else. and on top of all this, he doesnt like fucking xenomorphs. yeah, the aliens from Alien(s). those are just pure rad.

i cannot logically explain why i hate this kid. i just see him and feel this seething rage. this “god, i fucking HATE this kid”. it has just built and built. i wont hurt him. i wont tell him i hate him. im civil. i wont be a dick to him. im going to just sit here, and fucking hate him. just hate him so completely.

whatever. its totally silly. but god, i hate this fucking gothkid so much, im writing a blog about it. and ill prolly get totally bitched out by my teacher, who happens to be pretty laid-back and chill. if she ever reads it. who knows? heh.

oh. p.s. we had to write like a story or something in class today. i wrote about an octopus with a sombrero, no idea where it came from, but in the end, i started babbling about bears. specifically, Voytek, the most badass bear of all time. google it. or “Polish War Bear” or “hero bear”. absolutely fucking legendary.

hi

hi. im haddon. howsitgoing?

bears are cool.